do you not know me?
Many of us, including myself, have claimed to follow Jesus a long time. But his kind words to his untrusting disciples in John 14 have caused me to ponder and reconsider what I think I know. In this passage, Jesus is invites and encourages His closest friends not be troubled because they know him and because he will always care for them: “And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.” (v. 3-4)
But Thomas responds anxiously, sounding troubled and confused. I hear him say to Jesus, “Ummm, I don’t get it, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?”
Jesus’ answer is simply that if they know him, they will know the Father. But Philip presses him and anxiously demands, “Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us.”
I picture Jesus looking incredulous, responding, “Don’t you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’?” (v. 9) Here, Jesus’ rebuke highlights how Philip and Jesus have hung out for a while, and yet it is still possible to spend a lot of time with someone and not really know them.
Clearly, knowing something about someone is different than actually knowing them. I don’t think Jesus is speaking to Philip’s head knowledge here; of course Philip knows a lot about Jesus by this point. Instead, I think Jesus is asking him if he has paid attention experientially, specifically what has Philip noticed his body has told him from his experience of Jesus. Has Philip paid attention to what his five senses (or six if you count intuition) have told him during his time with Jesus? Do you know the tone that you sense when you read Jesus’ words? Can you picture what his eyes might have communicated?
Was Jesus’ tone gruff or exasperated? Was there an eye roll? Was he being demanding? Was he chuckling when he asked? I often ask those I sit with to pay attention to what they imagine or would even want his tone to be. We know that nonverbal cues and tone account for 90+% of communication, yet the Bible seldom includes them, meaning we can read the words of scripture but not necessarily pay attention to how we unconsciously fill in the nonverbals. Nor do we attune to how our senses respond to what we read.
What I am trying to invite us to is a deeper knowing of Jesus to really experience Jesus. Or at least to pay attention to how we actually do experience him. We know the right answer of Him being loving, but do we know our actual answer? If the goal from creation was for God to show us who he is and invite us into intimate relationship, and the incarnate Jesus was God with flesh and blood and facial expressions and audible tones, do we know him? As Jesus says in John 14:7 “If you really know me, you will know the Father.”
Do you know him? How do you experience his face when you get it wrong or, like Philip, plead to see more? Could you trust him enough to continue the conversation? Could you share with Him how you imagine His tone? Maybe it is, “I know you are loving but I am really afraid that you are upset with me. I just want to stare at the floor because I can’t bear to look you in the eye.”
I wonder how Jesus would respond to that. Does he rebuke or does he honor your honesty? Does He bless your courage to be honest with Him? I wonder what His eyes communicate to someone who is afraid. Can you entrust yourself where you are to Him? Often, in the counseling room, I hear the word “should” as in I shouldn’t feel this angry or anxious or I should have more faith, joy, patience, etc. It is hard to be somewhere that you are not. Knowing Jesus can only happen in the present.
Kurt Zuiderveen joined The Barnabas Center in 2008. Kurt earned his bachelor’s from Grand Valley State in Michigan and his master’s in counseling in 2004 from Reformed Theological Seminary in Orlando, Florida. He is married to April and they have three children.
Kurt divides his time between our main office in Charlotte and our office in Davidson.
