Author: Roger Edwards

I Amtrak

Recently I visited NYC and made the very intentional decision to travel via Amtrak. I was looking for a certain type of experience: a linear experience.  Call it an experiment if you like. Maybe a more accurate term would be a “repentance-experiment.” I have this problem, you see. My problem is that I chaff at the linearity of life. I have trouble accepting that I am a mere point moving along the unrelenting line of time. It feels out of control, I feel small and I don’t like it. I’d… Continue reading I Amtrak

Acquainted With Grief

  No one taught me how to grieve. In my college fellowship years, it wasn’t a part of my discipleship program. I don’t remember a single talk or Bible study on the subject. I wouldn’t have been interested anyway. My goal, unstated as it was, was to avoid loss. At least, I believed that if I were Christian enough – then I wouldn’t feel losses. That is a ludicrous statement, of course. That’s why I left it unstated. But I pursued it nonetheless. I saw the Christian life as a… Continue reading Acquainted With Grief

You Can’t Buy Grace

  Sometimes I try to buy grace. Like when I apologize. I adopt a penitent facial expression. Though I might feel true remorse,  I often feel I must add a little something to be convincing. So I lower my eyes and soften my voice. I say, “You probably won’t believe me, but I’m sorry.”  I wait for their payback – err… I mean forgiveness. Here’s how I know when I’m trading for grace. If they don’t respond quickly – I feel cheated. Huh? I wronged them and yet I feel… Continue reading You Can’t Buy Grace

Listening Requires an Open Stance

“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.”  – Unknown Listening requires an open stance. That’s why listening is hard for me. I live as a closed person.  If I am to become a better listener, something basic has to shift. Here’s a common example. I meet a new person at church. I start by shaking their hand. “Hi,” I say, “I don’t… Continue reading Listening Requires an Open Stance

This is the Day that the Lord has Made

“This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” – Psalm 118.24 The 98th most commonly used English word according to Wikipedia is the word “day.” Scanning the list, I saw mostly articles and pronouns. The only nouns used more often were: “time” (55), “people” (61), “year” (63) and “work” (87). So – we use the word all the time – I suppose for the simple reason that happens all the time. So what does this common word mean? Ironically, the word’s… Continue reading This is the Day that the Lord has Made

The Sentence and The Salvation

  The third paragraph of this post is a short but very, very profound sentence.  It reads: “Our worth is derived.” But without some preparation, you won’t be overly impressed with it. The sentence is, on the one hand, a flat statement of limitation. And on the other, it is a wild assertion of immortality.  In four words, the sentence names the central terror of the human situation while simultaneously naming the unique human role in creation. Therefore, (here is another bold statement) if you understand this sentence, you understand… Continue reading The Sentence and The Salvation

The Gratitude Choice

  This morning I awoke thinking about writing this gratitude post. I also woke up disgruntled. Not the best combination: Disgruntled Writer Speaks Out About Gratitude. As I was driving to my writing location – I confessed my disgruntledness. “I don’t feel so grateful,” I mumbled (my confessions are often mumbled). I kept going. “I am disgruntled because of __________ (list my circumstances here).” I listened to myself. The list of disappointments was real enough and chronic enough to be legitimate, I noted. But were they enough to color my… Continue reading The Gratitude Choice

Why Am I So Defensive?

  I am a very defensive person. I don’t always look like it on the outside. At least, I try hard to hide it.  But on the inside, I scramble.  A lot. My defensiveness is most observable when I am with people. I dodge and weave my way through conversations. I don’t want to be rejected. But I don’t want to be known too well either. I try to stay in that “sweet spot” where I am noticed – but not too noticed. “Yes,” I say, “I had a very… Continue reading Why Am I So Defensive?

Why Am I So Defensive?

I am a very defensive person. I don’t always look like it on the outside. At least, I try hard to hide it.  But on the inside, I scramble.  A lot. Comment on my driving. Make a suggestion about my parenting. Helpfully point out that there is piece of lettuce in my teeth. And then you’ll see. I squirm; I hesitate. Eventually I come up with something to say; a lame excuse, a clever joke, a distracting counter-argument. Something. I can’t just accept your commentary and use it for good.… Continue reading Why Am I So Defensive?

The “I-CAN-MAKE-YOU-LOVE-ME MISTAKE”

  When my kids were 12, 10, 8 and 5, we were given a kitten – a Tabby, fluffy and very cute. Tiger, we named him. The instant center of attention, Tiger never languished for a playmate. All my kids (me too), wanted to be the one pulling the string, rolling the ping-pong ball or feeding him. You couldn’t help but want to be the one. Happiness ambushes you when you play with a kitten. Joy pounces. But the truly coveted place, especially among my maternal girls, was to be… Continue reading The “I-CAN-MAKE-YOU-LOVE-ME MISTAKE”