Living in Sunday

  I have been going to counseling at The Barnabas Center for ten months now.  A defining moment for me was when my counselor pointed out my fear of living under “the law,” or what I thought had to do, and it was immobilizing me.  I was caught in fear and the fear of failure.  I believed the lie that if I get everything right, then I will be good enough: a good enough mom, a good enough wife, a good enough friend.  I was trying to be perfect.  I… Continue reading Living in Sunday

Clover Flowers

She’s three. Yet her words cut to my heart. Our evening walk had carried on with our 3 year olds as normal. Walk, run, stop, pick up bugs and such. Smiles were not sparse. For my daughter, she was collecting clover flowers. She would fill her hands and pass them to me. Half-way through our walk, my full hands slowly started to drop her findings and leaving them behind. When she seemed to have lost interest, I let everything go. As we headed inside, her eyes peeled up and she… Continue reading Clover Flowers

A Broken Jesus

It started off as a sweet moment. In the midst of my hustle my 2 year boy looked up at me with his big blue eyes and said “Show me baby Jesus.”
I instantly stopped, looked down at him and said, “Absolutely,” with a smile. I started to contemplate how I am to show him Jesus. It felt like a big moment, like the beginning of his learning who God is. We walked over to the nativity set above our fireplace and began to look at Jesus. I smiled at my… Continue reading A Broken Jesus

Struggle, Joy, Struggle, Joy

My house, it’s dirty. The floors are sticky like 2 minutes after I mop them it seems. There are tiny shoes and clothes strewn throughout and some awful smell coming from the fridge. It’s the daily struggle and joy. The struggle, like the laundry, never ends – but neither does the joy of knowing I have laundry to do for my little ones. My loneliness and my dirty home feel like my walk with Jesus.  I struggle with feeling like I have to have it “all together” when truthfully, my battles… Continue reading Struggle, Joy, Struggle, Joy

The Weary Doer

Oh, how I need to be found. I am a doer. I am a “Look at me, look how much I can get done” kind of person.  I often believe my worth is found in my success and accomplishments; that my value can come from something I do. Therefore I am constantly doing. It is no wonder that when I try to read God’s word in this mindset, I feel condemned and hope that my doing will in some way win God’s favor. In reality, I have wandered so far… Continue reading The Weary Doer